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Links to the Admiral Ackbar Collection are at the end of the artcle. Take a look you grown loser!
Before Star Wars went crazy and stuff like nine-year old annoying kids,
death stick dealers, robotic waitresses, and lava lamp operas joined
the ever expanding and often unwarranted Star Wars universe, there
were more subtle aspects of the franchise: like half man, half squid/
lobster/octopus mutant aliens in charge of the Rebel Alliance space
fleet. I’m speaking of course about Admiral Ackbar: a courageous
determined leader and probable candidate for supporting a form of
Star Wars Darwinism (which is probably fully detailed in one of
those Star Wars technical journals: the kind that describes the
different kind of vegetation on Dagobah).
Like practically every character and character variation involved in the Star Wars film universe ( except one that’s always overlooked), the Admiral of course has his likeness represented in the form of a poseable plastic action figure. But what’s even better about Ackbar is that he was popular and recognizable enough to garner the creation of his own 12-inch G.I. Joe version, and it is by far one of the better looking action figures to be distributed from the ever expanding and often unwarranted Star Wars figure line. But no matter how well-crafted this figure or any other figure is, there’s still one little problem…
Similar to all of the Star Wars figures released from the post original trilogy era (mid-90’s to present), the Admiral is not actually meant to be played with. Regardless of the fact that Star Wars figures are sold in areas designated as “toy departments”, the later generation Star Wars toys surpassed their status as objects intended for use by children. This is mostly due to the fact that only children during the late 70’s and early 80’s, the ones who were around for Episodes IV, V, and VI, had any vested interest and excitement towards playing with Star Wars toys, and this initial appeal to children did not effectively carry over to the new generation of kids that have only experienced the hype of Episodes I, II, and III. And it is in my not so humble opinion that because the prequels barely match the structure and reception of the original films (remember this was a one of kind type of production back in the day that was rarely if never seen, and is technically responsible for the establishment of high concept cinema we now consider common), attempting to reproduce and reestablish the same appeal, advertising, and overall fascination from a underage fanbase was a fruitless effort.
I know there are many people that would argue that the prequels revived children’s interest in the Star Wars franchise, but does anyone know of a kid that begged their parents to buy them exciting figures like “Chancellor Palpatine”, or “Bail Organa”? Or would current generation kids really know anything about Star Wars if there wasn’t some type of influence from adults to experience it? The bottom line is that Star Wars movie figures are no longer attractive commodities to children. After the original trilogy era any Star Wars toy can no longer be considered a “toy” and enters into the category of “collectable”; and collectables, usually stemming from a profound appreciation for the source the collectables represent, are objects generally sought after for display purposes or for assembling complete collections (this excludes the activity of collecting to sell, because that act appears to be on a more economic level instead of an emotional one). Even though there are attempts by toy manufacturers to make these collectables still appear as a part of the youth oriented toy world, Star Wars is primarily and predominately something that retains its appeal through adults; and often adults who were once kids during the original trilogy (AKA: nostalgia). Contemporary kids have simply moved on to do other things and aren't particularly interested in looking back with Mom and Dad (unless of course they are "forced" to. Get it?).
But deep down inside I think the reason any mature person has these figures in their possession at all is because they truly do want to play with them, and these true motives for collecting Star Wars figures are deep rooted in a consciousness that obeys the societal laws of healthy adult behavior. Fans pretend to be collecting when in reality they want to be playing. So why not make it acceptable for Star Wars collectables to allow adults the opportunity to let loose the demons that threaten to make them appear as immature people who spend hard earned money on objects that are mistakenly regarded as kiddy possessions? Since children don’t want anything to do with these so-called toys, it’s time for adults to have better reasons to own them besides just having them. So maybe the companies that create these collectables should just start admitting that their products are made for developmentally arrested adults, and instead start adding more grown-up themes and features that get adults playing again. A figure like Admiral Ackbar should do more than just collect dust on some shelf for the effect of having people walk into your home and say things like: “What the hell is that?” or “Hey is that the guy from Star Wars?” Wouldn’t it be great if you could respond, “it’s Admiral Ackbar! And you should see what this guy can do!” That’s why I’ve discovered potential methods for manipulating a 12-inch Admiral Ackbar that can better support the idea of adult toy collecting, and revert this new generation of collectors back into old school players. So the next time your out at Wal-Mart at 3 AM searching for the 120th variation of Chewbacca, wouldn’t it be great if you could instead find something like these...?
Ceremonial Van Halen Cleric Admiral Ackbar!!
Inspirationally Misguided Action Film Star Admiral Ackbar!!
Defunct Glory Admiral Ackbar with Dysfunctional Family!!
Check back for even more additions to the Admiral Ackbar Action Figure Collection Coming Soon!
If this article is like an All-you-can-eat Fish Fry, then consider your comments to be the ever-important cocktail sauce: mister@destroyyourtoys.com