Welcome to Destroy Your Toys.Com, the definitive website for providing visitors with some of the most ridiculously in-depth and uniquely worthless articles that discuss all sorts of wonderful toys ranging from past to present. I shall be known as Mister, the site’s creator and author, and also your helpful guide through the vast world of destructive toy addiction generated by the epidemic disease of childhood nostalgia. I had the special opportunity to grow-up in the 80’s and early 90’s: a period that permanently infected the fragile minds of all that experienced it. And it was the constant exposure to this “collect them all” era of toys and cartoons that transformed a potentially healthy person (me) into a sick man who thoroughly examines Happy Meal display cases while ordering fast food and often sneaks his way through toy aisles when no one is looking to get a glimpse of the latest Star Wars toys. But there are however some people who look back on the golden age of toys with an even more disturbing form of affection. Somewhere along the road of their alleged maturity, certain individuals have put the collectables of their youth on a pedestal of unopened air tight plastic bubble professionally graded greatness; and they are willing to spend thousands of dollars just to obtain a perfectly unmolested figure in its original packaging. It’s this type of toy treatment that motivated the creation of Destroy Your Toys. A major purpose of the site, besides being informatively devoid, is to remind people of an age when toys were loved and adored but also endured a particular level of casual abuse; the same casual abuse that made you break off the crotches of your G.I. Joes; the same casual abuse that made you continuously pretend that your Boba Fett figure was flying into the side of a tree until his head snapped off; the very same casual abuse that influenced you to take your dad’s sledgehammer that he mistakenly left out in plain view to smash your HotWheels in an attempt to innocently recreate a post-apocalyptic world of junk cars. But whatever your inspiration for toy collecting entails, anyone paying even the slightest bit of attention to this site should seriously learn that the only way to enjoy your toys is to “destroy your toys.”
I plan on updating this site whenever the hell I feel like it, which possibly means about once or twice a month. And also expect some sort of a FAQ compilation in the future after I coax an entire legion of toy lovin' losers over to my site.
Until then, I hope you enjoy the currently meager experience of "Destroy Your Toys".
Sincerely,
Mike, your reluctant leader in useless toy knowledge
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