A main reason Friday the 13th “slasher” films have developed into a classic form of contemporary cinema is not simply due to the visceral implements by which Jason Voorhees eliminates nonconformity to the policies of Crystal Lake lore, but rather because we the audience instinctively revere Jason’s hard work ethic and dedication to the fulfillment of said policies. You can’t call Jason a quitter. Give him pair of Gargoyle sunglasses and a 12-guage and you’ve got yourself a bonafide Terminator killing machine that just happens to situated in some rural Midwestern campground. The only time he fails in his duties as a devoted and unflinching murderer of Camp Crystal Lake is when there’s some obligation to plot development. There always has to be at least one person that survives and “defeats” Jason. Sure the survivors always end up insane, but they’re still alive; and Jason would never let something like that happen unless it was in the script. It’s about time they make a Friday the 13th where Jason just lets loose; let him just kill everybody within like a 20 mile radius of the campground - no survivors. Have you seen any of the shit-fests they try passing off as movies nowadays? Obviously a planned story-driven sequence of events is the last thing on the agenda for most filmmakers. Plot is dead, just like anyone who steps foot in Crystal Lake should be.

For the fans of Friday the 13th who find Jason’s principles on unrestrained murder irresistible, it’s important that they are given some means by which to celebrate the timeless art of enthusiastically gutting people like they were a nymphomaniac rainbow trout. Naturally there’s no better way to respectfully observe Jason’s abilities than buying a toy that faithfully compliments the illustrious image of Mr. Voorhees and his ruthless campaign for sexual abstinence. Owning and proudly displaying a Jason Voorhees figure is like telling the world (“world” meaning your close friends who are concerned about your mental stability) that not only do you find favor in the homicidal adventures of a hockey-masked killer, but also that you think all individuals should utilize the same committed work ethic Jason employs in his labors into their own. However there’s a dilemma when it comes to obtaining a Jason figure for such a purpose: which Jason toy best supports these noble assessments of the character? Thankfully, Sideshow Collectables has turned practically every varying likeness of Jason from his appearances in the Friday the 13th films into 12-inch figures.

The only Jason figure Sideshow hasn’t made is a part 8 one, but who the hell wants that Jason anyway? He was defeated by toxic waste that inexplicably transformed him back into a deformed little boy for Christsakes. They also haven’t made a part 5 “Roy as Jason Imposter” figure; in spite of the fact that part 5 is possibly the most unfulfilling Friday the 13th installment, I wouldn’t mind seeing Sideshow attempt to create a “Roy” toy. I think it’d be kinda funny. The Jason figures that have been produced however not only appropriately represent the many guises of Jason, but also the evolution of his loyal pursuit of efficient slaughtering techniques. He’s gone from a somewhat agile and athletic sack-mask wearing good ol’ boy all the way to a nano-technologically mutated cy-borg super warrior. The variations of Jason’s power, like the production of Friday the 13th movies, have no end in sight. But now you must decide: which Jason or Jasons are right for me and my views?

I have no idea. At least I have no idea about what your Jason needs entail, and frankly I don’t care. This is my website and I’m gonna write about the toys I’ve decided to waste my money on. If you don’t like it, that’s too bad. Besides, you’re probably someone who thought Jason Takes Manhattan was the best Friday movie and would love to have a toxic waste-barfin’ Jason sitting on your shelf for all to see. And as a precaution to that type of ill-inspired Jason adoration, you will now be forced to look at the particular Jason figures I feel best represent the values engrained in the Friday the 13th saga. So deal with it.

An Examination of Human Jason

The Final Chapter, which was originally intended to be the last Friday the 13th film but obviously wasn’t, was however the last appearance of “human” Jason; subsequent films featured the character as some kind of living dead zombie. Human Jason is my personal favorite form of the character, and unfortunately he is only shown in three of the films (four if you count little deformed boy Jason that appeared briefly in the original Friday). The limited appearances of human Jason are however pinnacle moments in developing an appreciation for the character overall, mainly because Jason is essentially just a regular person like you or I. Human Jason is susceptible to the same obstacles involved with killing a large amount of people in a short amount of time that any ordinary person would face if they set out to do such a task. Jason’s murderous agenda is averted (usually in the third act when he’s forced to confront the “survivors”) by several obstructions that would only plausibly affect Jason if he was in fact a regular human being. For example: he’s kicked in the balls, falls off a broken stool like a stooge, has his arms and hands stabbed and sliced on several occasions, stabbed in the kneecap (which consequently makes him run slower), falls unconscious after taking a machete to the shoulder, he’s temporarily thwarted by a sheriff who attempts to stop him, his arms get stuck in a driver’s side van window, reels back in pain after a hammer claw is jabbed into his neck, assaulted with a barrage of falling books, knocked out by a television smashed on his head, he’s hanged, has trouble subduing a kicking and screaming girl that’s 1/4 his size, takes a machete slash to the chest, has an axe planted into his skull, and is presumably “killed” after a machete nearly splits his deformed noggin in half.

All of these hindrances are exploitations of the boundaries established by Jason’s humanity. Most normal people would seriously consider ending their killing sprees immediately upon receiving any of the physical punishments Jason endured during his still human status, but once again you must remember that Jason is a human being with an unyielding purpose. He’s bent on avenging his mother’s death by splattering the cozy atmosphere of a lakeside campground with the blood and guts of fuck-frenzied teens; it’s gonna take a little more than an axe to the face to stop the overwhelming sense of duty Jason applies towards the fulfillment of his goals.

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter Jason Figure

In order to select a proper toy-representation of Human Jason and the difficulty he’s forced to overcome as a human being you have three choices of figures: part 2 Jason, part 3 Jason, and Final Chapter Jason. Part 2 Jason is radically different from the canonical hockey-mask form of the character, and frankly this Jason is almost too grounded in reality (that doesn’t mean that part 2 isn’t an enjoyable Friday the 13th installment); there’s just something about Jason’s sack mask redneck form that can’t capture the same creepy mysticism of the “pissed-off goalie” look. Part 3 of course is the first time we see Jason in the hockey-mask, and it is easily one of the superior and satisfying Ft13th films; except for the part where he’s stopped by a hailing Encyclopedia Britannica onslaught. Part 3 loses a few points for attempting to use books as weapons. That leaves The Final Chapter: the film that portrays Jason in his finest human hour, and is also the reason the recently released Final Chapter Jason figure from Sideshow Collectables is perfect for an exhibition of human Jason’s most ideal qualities.

The Final Chapter is the episode in Jason’s history that effectively blends the vulnerability and suffering of the character along with the ambiguous sense of spiritual evil and vengeance that motivates his actions. This particular film is the most successful at making Jason appear to be a frighteningly disturbing yet mysterious entity rather than just a dude who kills people. We can feel that there’s something dreadfully profound hidden behind that mask. It’s about damn time they made a figure for this version of Jason, and all I wanna know is where the hell these figures were when I was a kid? I would’ve traded half of the shit I procured in my youth for a Jason toy. But anyway, here are some reasons why this is one of the best, if not the best human Jason toy…

Wonderful Wounds

Bloody wounds are exclusive additions to human Jason, and a symbolic reminder of his mortality. When I see a wounded Jason I can’t help but think of the famous quote from Predator: “If it bleeds, we can kill it.” Jason is by no means invincible, but it’s gonna take a lot of wounds to stop him. In the first two major appearances of Jason all of his wounds were acquired through his final battle with the camp survivors. Final Chapter however not only has Jason getting wounded in battle, but he also starts out with a wound; he retains his ax wound from part 3 straight into part 4. I know this sounds trivial, but it’s these subtleties that make Final Chapter a “cut” above the rest (sorry about that). There’s something intriguingly magical contained within the continuity of oozing head gashes.

Now I can stare at Jason’s ax wound at anytime without the interference of cinematography or film editing. That’s special. Sideshow’s figure also includes two separate final-battle wounds: there’s “machete splitting Jason’s hand down the middle” wound,

and the climactic “machete splitting Jason’s head in half killing the character and setting up part V which featured a paramedic named Roy disguised as Jason who starts killing people after he sees the dead hacked-up body of his son at a mental institution” wound. Oh, I guess I should’ve warned you that that last wound description had spoilers.

Visible injuries are a crucial element towards appreciating the physical limits of Jason, and clearly Sideshow didn’t fuck around when they set out to make a figure for the fans that value the emblematic power of gruesome mutilation.

Horrifying Personal Hygiene

In addition to noticeably nasty wounds, it’s also apparent that Jason has killed more people than the amount of times he’s brushed his teeth or clipped his fingernails. I mentioned earlier that you can’t call Jason a quitter, but technically that statement can be contested if you consider his complete disregard for personal hygiene. You’re not going to find Jason carrying around any Crest Whitestrips or nail files - unless he can find a way to kill somebody with them (hmmmm).

Jason’s teeth, which seem that the closest they’ve ever come to being cleaned was when Jason was submerged in filthy lake water, are another great detail to the Sideshow figure. A dedicated painter made sure to capture just the right mixture of yellow, cream, brown, and pink to represent the terror that is Jason’s decaying dental nightmare.

There’s also attention given to Jason’s rotten claw nails, which proves that manicures don’t fit into the schedule of a rampaging killer. Jason’s nail problem would be great for one of those Lamisil commercials where microscopic fungus devils burrow into a victims nail bed. The fungus devils could attempt to infect Jason’s fingernails, but the evil machete- wielding bacteria that flow through Jason’s entire body would begin some kind of fungal civil war based on who has the better infection skills and then begin viciously murdering every fungus devil in sight. Lamisil sales would triple if they made a commercial like that.

Even though Jason is terrible at maintaining his teeth and fingernails, the Sideshow figure does however give evidence concerning the adamant care Jason reserves for his feet.

It makes sense that Jason would want to take care of his feet. I mean can you imagine how hard would it be to chase around agile teenagers with dirty festering feet sores? Good work Sideshow.

Jason's Pitiful Face

A requisite in the structure of Friday the 13th films is the revelation of what Jason so diligently hides from all his victims: his face. The unmasking pay-off shot, usually found in all films containing consistently masked characters, is another element in which human Jason adds a distinctive charm.

The Final Chapter is one of the better moments where we get glimpses of his eyes through the hockey mask. When you can see Jason’s eyes I believe it gives people a chance to see a character whose face is covered for 99% of each Friday the 13th film have a minimal type of decipherable expression. Once again it reinforces the notion that there’s something curiously creepy hidden under an equally creepy hockey mask. This is a significant element in The Final Chapter, especially when we reach the final Jason revelation money- shot at the end of the picture which ultimately uncovers one of the best Jason face creations in the entire franchise: evil freak/sorrowful puppy dog Jason.

Evil puppy Jason is the Tom Savini effects creation that is supposed to look like a “grown-up” version of his initial little boy Jason he produced for part 1. And this Jason truly does illustrate that innocent little boy trapped in an adult mass murdering freak look; which is once again one of the best variations of Jason and more incentive for owning the figure that best portrays that particular appearance. The Final Chapter Jason figure does a terrific job of recreating this unique freakish view of Jason, and the Sideshow toy has even managed to add more of sad puppy dog look to Jason’s face.

Awww, look at how adorable Jason is. He makes you wanna just love ‘im up right before he drives a railroad spike into your brain. I wove my wittle Jay-Jay!

And I love this Final Chapter Jason figure! Finally I have the perfect representation for all my beliefs concerning wounds, bad hygiene, loveable deformities, and of course a superior work ethic! This is a must-have toy for Friday the 13th fans that feel the same way about human Jason. But I can’t help but feel that I’ve slighted certain qualities of Jason in some way. I have to discuss this character even further. So be prepared for part 2 of this article when I discuss the best toy for those who have a special place in their hearts for the power of “zombie” Jason (excluding part VIII of course. I hate part VIII)…

Part 2 has arrived! Click to see it.

In the next Friday the 13th film Jason will use e-mail as a weapon mister@destroyyourtoys.com